So last night I dozed off around midnight, only to wake up at around 2 a.m. from one of the weirdest dreams I have ever had. Also strangely enough, as I sat there, slightly disconcerted from the weirdness of it all, more and more details actually came back to me, which is strange, since usually the details become fleeting the longer I am awake and try to remember them. In any case, here’s the basic lowdown – I got stuck on a train in which every single stop was the next scene in a really random, disconnected musical. Here’s the rest of the story.

I was on my way home from having dinner, when I saw the new elevated circle train (this was bascially a NY subway train on an elevated platform, with one station that just traveled in a circle; this was never explained so it seemed to me to be some sort of novelty, London Eye kind of ride since you could see city views from it). As I reached the base of it, I became swept up in the news report that was about to happen. They had no staircases that went up to the elevated train, so I had to be strapped to a harness attached to a helicopter and then flown up there to do the news report. Only the helicopter only skimmed the surface of the water (or yeah, did I mention this was also happening on a beach), in a water ski like activity and the camera guy kept getting mad that I didn’t have any information about the train and was apparently a terrible reporter. Then, as the news report started to end, the camera guy decides to poop in the water, thereby causing the original reporter to end that news segment and get everyone running from the water to avoid contamination. At this point I called my mom to come pick me up since it was announced that the trains (the regular train which just happened to have a station at this beach) would be running on the D line. However, first we had to be ferried back over to the line and I left my camera bag in the car of the train (which resembled a ferry). There was also one point where some girl asked me what grain was in my desperately needed to be washed hair. It was technically sand from the beach, but it actually looked like quinoa.

Once I the train, I remembered that the D line no longer stopped in my mom’s neighborhood and that the train I actually wanted was the Q. So when it got to the first stop – which I think was called Reformation Street – I ran off, determined to figure out how to get the Q. Then I realized I left my camera on the train (on the ferry steps) and ran back to get it, nearly missing the train as it pulled out of the station and needing to jump back in quickly through an open door.

Once back on the train, the conductor announced we would be making a special detour stop at an avenue I can’t remember, though I feel like it had something to do with a museum. When we got there, the train cars disappeared entirely and I found myself in a room full of water and a towering boat structure that looked like it was made to resemble a house of cards. Oh year, and it was aldo filled with gay men (possibly sailors). The room was full of floating platforms that led to the card “ships” of gay men. They were all in rows, much like you would be in a large rowboat. Said gay men returned my camera to me as well as other items that other people had accidentally left on the train. I made friends with two people who seemed to be in the same pickle as me as we were floating out of this train station on the flotation devices that served as the “train” for this portion of the dream. The flotation devices were like weird fancy golden pool noodles with shapes for seats bent into them.

It was really starting to feel like a terrible ride at Dosney World (the above scene should make you think “It’s a Small World” because that’s the kind of vibe it had).

Arriving at the next stop, we were suddenly on camels or horses in a busy Moroccon-esque marketplace and my new companions were complaining that the food and drinks they were carrying were turning into dust. Indeed they were. Looking around at the hubbub around me, it seemed that many people were tossing items INTO the marketplace rather than receiving items from it. Thinking that the marketplace people required some sort of sacrifice, I threw matches and some other small items, which were caught by a monkey, and my camera and possessions were spared from turning into dust.

At this point, the companions disappeared and the camel took me through a large wooden door where I found myself face to face with a man counting coins – Alec Baldwin was playing him and we proceeded to get into a singing fight. In the dream I seemed to be aware that this was Alec Baldwin playing a Mel Brooks-like character. As far as the song goes, though I don’t recall any of the words or how it went, I clearly made it up for the dream. Alec Baldwin’s character kept insisting that we had to marry and I kept saying “No I don’t want to play that role. You should give it to Shirley. Plus I’m already married.”

Apparently not only did I 1.) get married earlier in the dream and don’t remember it (but there were letters from other train passengers to prove it) and 2.) everyone seemed well aware that we were in a bizarre musical world and that someone else wanted my part.

And the funny thing is that the whole time all I kept thinking was, “I gotta call mom so she can meet me at the next train station” even though clearly I was now in some parallel bizarro world!

And that is where I woke up, super freaked out by the weirdness of it all, and stayed awake up for nearly an hour remembering bits and pieces of it before writing it all down. This one is a doozy and needs to be remembered. I’m not even sure what to do with it! It’s just so weird!